Coming to a Close

"Coming to a Close" (the heading of this post) and "Unfinished Business" (the title of the blog) seem to be in contradiction with each other, don't they? So many things are coming to end: the end of school, the end of being able to call myself a student, the end of two jobs that have continuously blessed me, the end of seeing friends each day, and the end of  what has been a consecutive 18 or 19 years of education.

But while so much seems to be coming to a fast close, there are also things that are beginning! (unfinished business, ya know?)

• While I am no longer a student in the formal sense, I am still a learner.

• While I am ending jobs that I have loved, I am also beginning new opportunities in areas that will hopefully enhance what I have learned in the classroom. 

• While I wont get to see friends everyday, I will have more time to strengthen the friendships that I hold dear to my heart

• and while my education is ending, I now have the chance to start using what I have learned in the work place.

There is also another very noteworthy new beginning... When I started this blog back in January (how has it been 4 months already?!) I was 4.5 months away from being a married woman. I am now a mere 37 days away from hearing those wedding bells chime and walking down the aisle to marry the greatest man I know. Out of all of the new beginnings that I am going to experience in the next couple of weeks, this is the one I most anticipate.

Life is good. I am blessed. I am graduating. I am done. I am beginning new things. I have options. I have freedom. I have opportunities. the world is mine to explore, experience and influence. I cannot wait to see where God is going to lead me.

(and while school is done, this blog is not! stay tuned in the next weeks and months for updates about jobs, wedding plans and any random pieces of information I might want to share :))

But for now, that's all folks. Have a blessed day.

Silent Retreat

In Revelation chapter 8 verse 1 we read, "When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour." 

Close your eyes for five minutes. 300 seconds. Turn off your music. Turn off the TV. Close your books, your homework. Put down your phone, set aside that email that needs to be written. And just sit. For 300 seconds. In silence.

Five minutes doesn't seem like too much time in the scheme of things. But silence is something that unnerves us. We live in a world that "stop"  isn't a word in our vocabulary, where sitting with others in a room, not talking, is uncomfortable; and where reflection and times of silent confession causes nervous laughter, coughing and shuffling as we try as hard as we can to sit still.

So imagine what it might have been like to sit in silence for a half an hour, in heaven no less. Our view and ideas of heaven always include singing praises, worshiping and joyfully participating in fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ, but never do we really imagine silence. But there it was, Jesus, the Lamb who was slain, was opening the seven seals that would soon deliver consequences to the earthly kingdom. All the attention, all eyes were focused on the Son of God. I can only speculate what happened in that moment, can only wonder what they felt as they silently focused completely on Jesus. 

For class we were encouraged to take 3 hours. Yes 3 hours. to sit in silence with God. To put down our phones, set aside our computers, turn off our TVs and sit with God. We were encouraged to read our Bible, to spend time in prayer and to contemplate on how God is trying to speak to us.

I will be the first to admit that my reaction to this assignment was not a positive one. It was more of a "really, when do you think I have 3 consecutive hours to give to sit in silence? I already find myself needing extra hours in the day to get things done." But there was something about the way that Professor Hoogeboom talked about this Silent Retreat of sorts that intrigued me, enough to give it a try.

Participating in my own Silent Retreat was something that I had to really be active about having happen. I decided that the best way for me to be able to spend 3 hours with God, without doing anything else, was to get up early before class and work one day and so that is what I did. I wish that I could say it was the best 3 hours of my week, that it was a time of enlightenment in my relationship with God, but I can't. Don't get me wrong, it was a blessing, but it was frustrating before it was a blessing. I am not used to sitting still, to being quiet and I am certainly not used to doing those things while not being busy with something else at the same time. 

I walked away from that time with an understanding of the importance of spending time with God while limiting the distractions around me; and I think that if I practiced this habit, this practice more often, it would get easier and not only easier but it would be something that I would want to do, not something that I did only because I was assigned it. That is my hope for the future.

I challenge you. Try spending a half hour in silence with God. If you have time for it, spend an hour or two. Read your Bible, pray, meditate and revel in the love and awe that comes from being in the presence of God.

Psalm 23

My professor for this Spiritual Formation class gave us an assignment this week to read and pray a psalm. Throughout the semester, before we begin each class, the prof opens our time together by reading a specific verse, or passage, prays that passage and then asks us to spend a few minutes contemplating how it speaks to us in that moment.

It didn't take me much time to know what Psalm I wanted to use for this blog. It is a very well known Psalm, one that is read in many different situations. So here it is:

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

He guides me along paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and staff

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; 

my cup overflows

Surely your love and mercy will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

I choose this Psalm because there have been many instances where I have had to lean so heavily on the promise that God, as our shepherd, would lead me through each circumstance that I was facing. I love the reminder that David gives us through this writing and find it so comforting to be able to relate to a person in Biblical times and know that not only does it apply to me but it has applied to people throughout the ages as well; in other words, it never loses its relevance. 

What we can take away from this Psalm is that God is faithful and will remain faithful to his people. He restores us, gives us strength, and leads us through the darkest valleys. 

Over this past semester, in class, we have had small groups meeting together each Thursday morning. In these groups we have been doing short Bible studies and getting to know one another better. What I have already been learning is that we can't know another persons story without getting to know the person, that we can't only look at someones outward appearance and also know what is in their heart. I have really appreciated coming to that realization and knowing that the God who has been faithful to me has also been faithful to so many of my classmates.

Martin Luther

Believe it or not there is more than one guy by the name of Martin Luther in our history! There may have been more, Martin seems like a pretty common name, but these two were famously known, hundreds of years apart. The Martin Luther focused on in this blog was born in 1483 and is one of the most significant figures in the history of the Protestant Reformation. (Reformation Day anyone?)

Luther was born in 1483 and lived to the age of 63 and in those years he studied, taught, and lived out his biblical studies. Luther was very much a theologian and ecclesiastical activist, but beyond that he also had a deep pastoral care and concern for the spirituality of fellow believers of Jesus Christ! Luther was so passionate about this subject that in his writing "The Freedom of a Christian" he emphasizes the critical role of faith in establishing this intimate relationship between Christ and believer.

A small section from that writing says, 

"Faith does not merely mean that the soul realizes that the divine word is full of all grace, free and holy; it also unites the soul with Christ, as a bride is united with her bridegroom. From such a marriage, as St Paul says, it follows that Christ and the soul become one body, so that they hold all things in common, whether for better or worse. "

Julian of Norwich

Today. We finally hear from a female writer. Anyone else feel like this time period and the writing profession was overrun by males? Well probably because females haven't always been so highly regarded as they are today... (ha ha).

Anyways. Julian of Norwich. This is not her real name, some think it might have been Juliana, but no one knows for sure completely. Other things that are unknown are the date of her death, and her birth year, which is only assumed based on her writing that she was "30 in 1373". Interesting, to know so little about someone who's writing is so known.

In the section that we were asked to read today was Julian's take on prayer. I found this to be very interesting because right now this is a topic that is very close to my heart. I'll be the first to admit that my prayer life is not where I would like it to be, and I can guarantee that my Father is also not overly pleased with my lack of dedication as of late. What caught my attention in this reading is how much Julian of Norwich truly desired to have a prayer life that was not just a conversation between her and God, but something that she could experience physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.

I don't know a lot of people who desire to embody prayer in the manner that she speaks of, but I do think it is important to be so in love with God that prayer inhabits your life so completely that it becomes a liturgy in your every day life. I pray that I can be like that one day, so on fire for God that my prayer life knows no bounds. 

Francis of Assisi

This week our assignment was to read about Francis of Assisi. I struggled with this blog for a few reasons. 

First. His name. Assisi. How do you even begin to know how to pronounce that. Staring at the word right now I can come up with at least 3 different ways of sounding it out. Ass-is-i. As-si-si. A-ssi-si. It's a mystery to me, probably  not as hard as I'm making it out to be. But that's besides that point.

Second. What we read about was the Canticle of the Sun which is an affirmation of a positive attitude toward the creation, which is typical of Franciscan spirituality. Why is this a problem you ask? Well let me share with you a small section of this canticle.

Be praised, my Lord, by brother wind

and by air and cloud and sky and every weather

through whom you give life to all your creatures.

Be praised, my Lord, by sister water

for she is useful and humble and precious and chaste

Be praised by brother fire

by him we are lightened at night

and he is fair and cheerful and sturdy and strong.

Alright, so some might be thinking. Just sounds like a poetic choice of words to describe his feelings towards creation. But, seriously. What does that even mean. To me, as I read this with my "reformed theology way of thinking", I notice Francis of Assisi making a connection between natural creation and human creatures themselves. What I think we need to be careful about is the notion of placing too much value on creation in regards to comparing it to living creatures. Creation, as stated in the beginning, was something to be loved and to be cared for but not something that is to be put on the same level as the human creature.

Anyway, just some confused thoughts and ramblings as I try to make sense out of what I just read. If you have any ideas. Please don't hold back. :)

Anselm of Canterbury

"All this I hold with unwavering faith, 

and weep over the hardship of exile, 

hoping in the sole consolation of your coming, 

ardently longing for the glorious contemplation of your face."

This is the last stanza of Anselm's "Prayer to Christ". This weeks blog post is on Anselm of Canterbury. His "Prayer to Christ" is a 12 stanza prayer admitting his lukewarm faith and love for God. His prayer goes through many different stages, first admitting that he is not where he wants to be with his faith, then asking God to rekindle that flame within him. He goes on to express his longing for God and to know God. It ends with his feeling that he still isn't fully possessing God in the way that he thinks he ought to be. But what is expressed is that he has this unwavering hope, this unwavering faith that he will one day reach that point.

What I really appreciated about this prayer of Anselm is that he is so blatantly truthful. What I have noticed within myself, in conversations with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, in sitting in on conversations with different small groups, is that we sometimes   99% of the time try and sugar coat our relationship with Jesus Christ. We use phrases like "it's not the best, but it's better than other peoples," or "I figure I have time to get my relationship with Christ on the right path again, it's fine how it is right now," or "I read my Bible [and then think to ourselves 'for class that is']", but we don't often come out in the open and say "I am struggling with my walk with Christ, I fear that I am becoming lukewarm, and I need help to stay accountable." Those aren't easy things for us to admit, I for one don't like to talk about my shortcomings or my struggles for fear that I will be judged or laughed at. 

But isn't what Anselm is saying in his prayer exactly how we should approach it? We should want to struggle with our lukewarm feelings, we should openly be able to discuss with fellow believers the issues that distress us, the doubts that cause conflict in us. We should always be "ardently longing for the glorious contemplation of your [God's] face."

Sole Source of True Joy

Augustine of Hippo (354-430)

I was reading a short article on Augustine of Hippo and have decided to use this as my first class required blog post (1 down 9 to go!) The provided instructions for how I am supposed to approach this post is by summarizing for you what I read and some thoughts I have on it… (I’m sure that I've now got you on the edge of your seat ready to take in what wisdom opinions I have to offer.)

Who is Augustine of Hippo you might be wondering? Let me shed some light on him for you. Augustine was born in the year 354 to a devout Christian woman. He was raised in the Roman province by the name of Numidia, or modern day Algeria. In 391 while visiting the coastal town of Hippo he became ordained as a bishop… against his wishes.

*side note: how do you force someone to be ordained? Not sure how that works.

It seems though that Augustine accepted this role and devoted himself to the “clarification, exposition, and defense of the Christian faith against its external opponents and internal dissidents”. He is now considered to be one of the most important and well regarded writers of the Christian church.

One major piece of writing from Augustine is known as the Confessions. A majority of this writing focus’ on his autobiography but in the last few ‘books’ he talks about God as the source of true joy. This is the part that I actually found interesting.

For Augustine he argues that true joy can only be found or fulfilled through a relationship with God (Sounds about right to me!) By the world’s standards Augustine says that any joy found in material or natural things is only an appearance of joy because, while it (can) reflect God’s goodness and beauty, it is not true joy in and of itself.

Does this mean that we can’t be happy or find joy in our family, friends, job or hobbies? I don’t think so. But that happiness and joy will always be tainted by a world that is filled with sin. Each situation that we feel joy in is always shadowed by something of a lesser good which hinders the opportunity to experience pure, untainted joy.

I wrote in my last post about the passing of my dear friend Gene. Last night I went to his visitation and tomorrow I will be attending his funeral. As I say a final goodbye I am reminded of all the times that I had with Gene and the joy that it was to talk to him, to serve on mission trips with him and to worship with him; but what is more I am overwhelmed by the realization that he, right now, is experiencing the TRUE JOY of being with Jesus Christ in eternity.

That’s what life is all about isn't it folks? To be joyful in what we have today, to live in a God glorifying manner, and to anticipate a joy GREATER than anything we could experience here. Because at the end of the day we will be welcomed, just as Gene was days ago, to the Pure, Heavenly, Eternal JOY that is eternity with Jesus Christ.

A Heavenly Celebration

Last time I wrote I introduced my blog ‘unfinished business’. The whole point of this blog was to write about my thoughts and reflections on readings for one of my Kuyper classes. But I also mentioned that I would be throwing in a little life in general at the same time.

Today is one of those times.

Thoughts and questions race through my mind today as I sit and wonder why so many people had to part with a friend, a father, a husband, a brother.

I've known Gene for a number of years. He and his wife attend the same church that I grew up in and am still a part of. Not only did I see him each Sunday singing and worshiping in the church pews, or sit and enjoy a chat, I and many others also had the joy of spending multiple high school mission trips with Gene and his wife.

Last night I learned that Heaven gained this precious man.

My question for you: How does one handle the pain of death, the sudden loss of someone so dear to you? (Is there really an answer to that?)

We lost a good man; patient, hilarious and always armed with a new story. Today there is a Gene shaped hole in my heart. But there is HOPE.

A few verses in Psalm 126 says this:

"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them."

That is my prayer for the people who carry the loss of Gene with them today. That we remember that songs of JOY are coming, no matter how dark, meaningless, and hopeless today feels.  (A friend, who also blogs, wrote about grief just last week. I recommend reading her words of wisdom Here)

I don’t wish Gene back to this earth. Not for one second would I wish him back to the pain and suffering that were his last few months. I do however long for the day when I see his wife and family, loved ones and friends reunited with this man. But until that day comes I choose to work towards and help others work towards the joy that follows the darkness of today.

From the words of my sister Stephanie:

“I wonder if Jesus leans on a shovel up in the heavenly realms as he supervises what's going on down here on earth. If he does, I know right where Gene-o is standing this morning. He's got his own shovel to lean on and he's talking Jesus' ear off about his lovely wife, wonderful family, and telling all sorts of stories.”

Images like those are what make today a little less painful, that bring a smile to my face, and a quiet chuckle as I imagine Gene watching us from Heaven.

Enjoy the Heavenly Celebration Gene; Looking forward to seeing you again one day.

Longing for God: Gregory of Nyssa

Gregory of Nyssa is a Christian writer from the years c.330-c.395 who is considered to be one of the most important writers of the Christian east. Gregory wholeheartedly defended the idea of full divinity and the humanity of the God-head; however, he really stressed the idea that mere human beings could not completely understand or comprehend the mystery of who God was and is.

Gregory believes that inside each of us is this deep desire and need to experience "the Good". The "Good" is the relationship, that in the beginning, humans could experience and did experience with God. Today though, after the Fall, our understanding and comprehension of this "Good" eludes us, it escapes our limited capabilities to where we can only catch a glimpse at what it might be.

What is so heart-wrenching is that we had the possibility of knowing that "Good" right in front of us, but we let go of it for hundreds and thousands of years. But what gives us hope is that we now have this an anticipation, this deep hunger in the pit of our bellies, that we are going to know this "Good" fully again one day. It is that anticipation, isn't it, that ought to be fueling our desire to know and understand who God is as fully as we can right now, here on this earth. We might have lost it messed up royally at the beginning of time, but thankfully that wasn't our only chance, we still have the promise of eternity-yes eternity-to gain back that full comprehension, that beautiful relationship with God, the one and only "Good".

the Beginning.

I have never been much of a blogger. I love to write, but have never really written anything that was for the sole purpose of having my peers read and comment on (outside of a homework assignment that is). And honestly the only reason that I am attempting to do so now is for just that, a homework assignment. I am a bit rather a lot apprehensive and anxious as to how this will go over the next 3 months. At the same time I look forward to embracing this seemingly foreign mode of communication and sharing with you my thoughts, concerns, questions and confusion with the Bible and Christian Spirituality (and a little life in general thrown into the mix).

You may have noticed the title to the blog: unfinished business. I'm still not exactly sure where the title came from, but there it is, and I like it, so I think it will stay! On a more serious note here is what I mean when I say "unfinished business" (everything has a deeper meaning to it, right? Philosophical, I know.)

Unfinished business is something that we all have dealt with; loose ends that need to be tied, information that needs to be gathered, a dawning of comprehension that has not yet occurred. My loose ends are currently in the form of impatiently awaiting College graduation, marrying my best friend in May, and applying for and obtaining a new job. But there is a deeper level of unfinished business that resonates in each of us as well. There is a knowing that the work of Jesus Christ in us, for His Kingdom, is "unfinished" as well. 

So there it is folks. unfinished business.


Are you caught up in the unknowns, the not finished, or the loose ends? How do you handle those situations and questions?